i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
