I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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