My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
