brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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