people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
