I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
