A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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