Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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