I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
