Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
