I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
