Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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