FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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