I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
