Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Small penises have feelings too.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
