Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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