this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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