you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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