I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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