I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
