ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
