i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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