i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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