No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
