he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize