I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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