i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
