So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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