do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
