We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
