the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
