thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
