my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
