Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize