Old men and throwing up are my life now.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
