It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
