i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
