i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
