He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
