sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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