i wish my penis had a tongue
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We left the knife in your bed.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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