I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
