I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
