Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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