i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
