He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
