Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
