omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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