if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
