i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
