I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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