Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
