good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
