Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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