It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I would ride that face into the sunset
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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