He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
