i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
