I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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