she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
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and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
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Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.