I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
