First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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