I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
