Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
