I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
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The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
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Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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