I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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